Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
