I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
