Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
