what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
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he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
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just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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