I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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