If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
