Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
