I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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