Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
