It's Friday. Sex?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
