He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
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Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
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Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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