you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
