The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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