party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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