Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Please don't give away my fajitas
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
