ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
