ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
