Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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