Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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