i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
