i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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