The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
