a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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