I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
