I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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