Christians are straight up FREAKS
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
