Got a toothbrush?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
