Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Is it penis luge time yet?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
