Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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