White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
