I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
