Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
the night ended with taco bell and tears
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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