It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
