if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
