i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
