I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
