oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
