i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
