why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
