you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
