you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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