You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
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im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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