I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
