Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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