Me too!
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
