I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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