something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
