Moan for me like Helen Keller
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
