My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
