Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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