I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Operation Purity has been aborted
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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