dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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