Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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