My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
