I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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