I must be too annoying 4 u.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
