Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
