he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
