Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
