You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
