Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
If I die, sorry about rent.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize