Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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