I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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