Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
