I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
