She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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