I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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