Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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